Everything you wanted to know about about SEX in dreams! (but were afraid to ask) Part I
OK here it goes. This is going to be racy. This is going to be graphic. This will undoubtedly make you blush…. But this is going to help you interpret all of those uncomfortable images in dreams that you wouldn’t dare share with others!
God apparently isn’t the slightest bit shy about speaking to us through sexual imagery – consider Song of Solomon-- and judging from the number of sexual dreams I have been sent from mortified dreamers, He is not shy about speaking to us this way in dreams. So make sure your 13 yr old is not leaning over your shoulder and if you dare, read on.
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Lord, I just ask that you would filter this blog and guard the reader’s mind, body, and spirit. Protect the reader from being slimed, triggered or inappropriately stimulated. Let Your Spirit minister truth to the fears and misunderstandings about these types of dreams. Amen!
So let’s get started. When considering an act of sex in a dream, you need to consider the big picture—what is sex really about? Relationship. Intimacy. Trust. Pleasure. Ok, now that we know what we are talking about, let’s get into the details. First of all, who are you having sex with? Is it your husband? Someone you are attracted to? An old boyfriend? Your boss? Inquiring minds want to know! You will need to discern if this is a reference to your relationship with the literal person in the dream (less likely); or, whether their name, position or relationship is a metaphor. (more likely) So let’s take a look at some scenarios:
Sex with your husband/wife. This on the most basic level could be referring to your literal spouse. But let’s get real, do you really need a dream to tell you what’s going on in this arena? Usually not, so I tend to default to the metaphoric (especially when dreamer is not married in real life! lol)
Some of the things you may want to consider is that sex with a spouse can represent a major involvement or commitment. (This may be an eye opener that you are too committed to it! - i.e. do you really want to be married to your job??) It could also represent a behavior, group, issue or endeavor you are seriously involved in . Maybe even some “intercourse” which is intimate or very vulnerable in nature.
In some cases, it can even represent your relationship or commitment to God. Heresy? No—just explicit imagery designed to get your attention! Here is a classic example. You dream you are trying to “get it on” with your husband and your young children keep barging into the bedroom and disturbing you. The kids are little in the dream, but much older in real life. Interpretation: The dream is revealing some boundary issues which are interfering with your ability to be intimate with God. i.e. some of your endeavors are intruding into your alone time with God! Sound familiar? So what do you do? Pray the dream!—Lord, please help me to establish some secure boundaries concerning my time with You! (to “lock” any ‘open doors’ so to speak) so that these things will stop intruding into my time alone with You!
Sex with your boss. In this case, your boss could represent your relationship with work or your literal boss. What kind of sex are we talking about here? Are you just kissing? Hmmmm. A word play for ‘kissing up’ to him/her? Are you French kissing- a slip of the tongue eh? Examine what you are talking about-- and the appropriateness of it! Kissing can of course, suggest intimacy- so maybe the dream is revealing the intimate nature of the content of things you are sharing with each other. Look at the emotion as well as the action—are you kissing your boss because you feel you have to and are not really emotionally engaged in the act? Could it be that you are just giving him “lip service?” The metaphors are quite revealing--aren’t they?
Same sex encounters. This type of dream is bound to make most people feel uncomfortable. Usually it suggests that you are involved in something that is gratifying and pleasurable, but is just not spiritually productive or fruitful. (2 people of the same sex cannot produce children!)
What about masturbation in a dream? You wake up embarrassed and maybe even physically gratified. Yikes! This is an important dream to pay attention to. Take note of the arena in which this is occurring, because this kind of dream has a lot of connotations. First of all, sex is meant to be an expressed in the context of relationship. So going it solo is not a good thing! It may be gratifying, but it is not God’s design! Here is an example: you dream that you are masturbating in the closet. End of dream. Closets can be a reference to prayer (prayer closet) So this type of a dream could reveal that your prayer time, while stimulating and gratifying, is really just that—all words, a lot of hype, but lacking the intimate relational component with God. It happens. That’s why God gives us the shocking dreams—to get our attention! He’s not embarrassed. He’s just jealous for our affections!
I know several people who have correlated “masturbation dreams” with specific behaviors in their lives—specifically, sarcasm and complaining. One person revealed that every time they had long phone rants with friends they would have masturbation dreams (stimulating but not productive!). That will get your attention!
Ok, now we are really getting down to business. Brace yourself. We’re moving on to Dreams about oral sex. Yikes! I once had a dream that an acquaintance of mine was dying of AIDS. In the dream he said, “Yeah, I’ve been having “the big O” with _______(name of woman). In the dream I told him that as a leader in the church, this was completely inappropriate --that he needed to stop this immediately and repent! I realized in the dream that he would likely be taken out of ministry for a time of spiritual discipline.
I woke up thinking “Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! Too much information!!!!” But mercifully God immediately gave me the interpretation- “the big O” was a reference to oral sex. AIDS is an autoimmune disorder- basically in trying to protect yourself, you become your own worst enemy! AIDS can also be considered a judgment. So basically, the man in my dream was coming under judgment by engaging in inappropriate verbal (oral) “ intercourse.” This was a serious warning dream for the man- which I might add, my husband delivered, not me! (the man confirmed that this was true!) Unfortunately, the person did not heed the warning and was eventually excommunicated from his church. So pay attention to those dreams that seem unseemly! It may be that God is seriously trying to get your attention for intercession. Note that in the dream I confronted the dreamer and he was open to my edification. In real life, God also confirmed that I was to communicate this warning to the man. This is not always the case. You really need to discern what dreams are for PURE intercession and which ones God wants you to share. When in doubt…. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF AND PRAY!
What about rape? There is nothing worse than waking up from a dream in which you have been sexually assaulted, and if you have any history of abuse in your background it can be a real trigger. So you need to consider a couple of things—are there events in your life which are triggering unresolved abuse issues? Or is this a stand alone situation. Look at the dream for clues.
Rape is about exploitation. It is about others violating your boundaries. It is about usury and abuse. It is about control. It is about others imposing their will on you without your consent. The more graphic, the more specific the circumstances in which others are violating your boundaries. So, if someone is attempting to rape you and they grab your breasts, it could be that they are trying to take from you when you are not wanting to give (the breasts can represent your ability to be life-giving and nurturing to others) Is the rapist enjoying himself? Maybe it is as simple as someone taking pleasure in defiling you/putting you down/ exploiting or taking from you. Yuck.
Rape is violent. It is a sin against one’s very essence. So when you have a dream in which you have been raped, it means that your spirit has been violated to the core. Take it seriously. Look at the circumstances in your life where you are vulnerable to abuse, and take appropriate action to protect yourself.
What about other types of sexual assault. Now you need to metaphorically look at body parts. Is the attacker’s mouth involved? This is a reference to abusive/violating words. Is it oral sex? Perhaps someone is abusively addressing some issues which are very private and personal to you. Are you being fondled or grabbed? Again, this is a violation of your personal boundaries. Perhaps people are trying to get something from you, (so to speak) Or maybe they are trying to get a feel of who you are in a sneaky or inappropriate way that feels defiling! Again, look at the body parts involved. Is someone grabbing your butt? Maybe they are trying to inappropriately leverage some things that you thought were “behind” you. Perhaps they are getting off on or trying to exploit some vulnerability from your past. Or it could be a reference to abuse that you are not able to “face” at this time. These kind of dreams are never good- but praying the dream, can bring long needed healing!
Are you somehow stimulated during the assault? Perhaps God is trying to show you that you are experiencing a payoff for being victimized. This kind of dream could suggest a cycle of abuse and victimization. If you are having repetitive dreams in which you are being sexually assaulted, violated or raped, it may be an indication that you are vulnerable to the Victim Spirit. Arthur Burk has a wonderful free e-book on Overcoming the Victim Spirit. A must read for everyone!
In some dreams, the nature of the issue is obvious. For instance, if you are having sex with a prostitute it doesn’t take a whole lot to discern that you are engaging in something that is inappropriate. Perhaps you are using something for your own pleasure. Or engaging in behavior that exploits the vulnerabilities or weaknesses of others. But what if YOU are the prostitute? Yikes!—you are likely selling yourself short-- selling out – it’s not pretty. This is a warning that what you are pursuing is not the fullness of your design. It may be profitable or pleasurable, but it sins against your very essence.
So what about pornography? It is exploitive—metaphorically-- a stimulating “vision” perhaps, but addictive, unproductive and very costly to others. Many times it can be a warning about the true nature/motive behind people’s “focus.” Additionally, it can be a reference to exposing others in an inappropriate or violating way. It can also be a warning about a literal pornography addiction. Look at the context of the dream and seek God’s wisdom to discern.
Well, this has been thoroughly enlightening, but a bit depressing, and we have barely scratched the surface on these types of dreams! So I will discuss more in Part II. Lest I leave you feeling a little bummed out, Let me end with a blessing to lift your spirit! Lord, these type of dreams reveal issues that shake us to our core! But Lord, you use graphic imagery to shock us to take a look at things which we may be hesitant to look at!
So…… I bless you with the spiritual strength to face dreams which seem unseemly!
I bless your capacity to open yourself up to the Spirit – to give Him free reign to bring up issues in your dream life which He desires to address, in the manner He wants to address them!
I bless your capacity to leverage graphic dreams to their fullest potential- that you may receive the healing God offers in the core of your essence!
I bless your ability to perceive things thru God’s higher perspective, and to place the same weight on issues that He does.
I bless you with heavenly wisdom and insight in how to address longstanding issues which impact your physical and spiritual boundaries, your ability to be more intimate with God and man, and your ability to walk in the freedom of true spiritual sonship.
I bless your capacity to fearlessly address attacks to your essence and design.
I bless you with an increased capacity to receive from your Creator, the strength and fierce intentionality which brings healing, and ultimately, the freedom necessary to puruse the fullness of your design.
I bless you,
In Jesus' name.